You Cant Make this stuff up

🎄 From Our (Slightly Broken) Home to Yours…

Every year, we get those cheery, glitter-dusted Christmas letters from friends whose kids all got into Ivy League schools, started tech companies from the garage, and won gold at the Junior Olympics. Meanwhile, over here…

We thought we’d balance things out.

📬 The 2024 Highlights from the House of Jinny and Bill:

We love Holiday Traditions but this year’s tree fell over three times. We just left it leaning.

The Family Minivan: Still running, even after catching fire briefly in July.

👣 Nancy

Our eldest got an ingrown toenail that turned into sepsis. Four ER trips later, she’s now banned from pedicures and we’re banned from that urgent care.

👓 Bill Jr.

Flunked his GED for the third time. Mystery solved: He couldn’t read the test. His Walmart glasses had been waiting for pickup since February.

📚 Mike

Got caught with a Playboy in his backpack. Earned a 5-day suspension. Two local priests kindly offered to “dispose” of the evidence. Suspiciously enthusiastic about it.

🎖 Sally

Made the world finals in baton twirling! Unfortunately, her final twirl knocked her out cold. Severe concussion. Now twirls from a seated position.

💍 Thomas/Thomasina

Our youngest transitioned this year — now known as Thomasina and married Melanie in June! We’re thrilled. Only odd part? 2024 DNA testing revealed… Thomasina is not biologically ours. So technically, we’re very accepting neighbors.

🐾 Bobo the Dog

For the 12th year in a row, got violently ill over the holidays. Possibly from eating 24 marshmallow Santas. No chocolate this year — just melted plastic.

And no, no one got into Harvard.

🎁 In Closing…

We may not have stock portfolios, gold medals, or viral cello prodigies, but we’ve got plenty of laughs (and ER co-pays). From our delightfully dysfunctional family to yours — have a warm, safe, and hopefully uneventful holiday.

Love,

Jinny and Bill