Anyone who spent time on a sales team years ago can probably relate to the insanity of the old sales process. I’ve been in sales and management for 50 years, and I’ve seen enough of it to know one thing:
You can’t make this stuff up.
Telemarketing
Most salespeople want to maximize their income as quickly and easily as possible. That’s why those ads always sounded so good:
Unlimited income! Leads provided! Several openings!
Part-time or full-time! Make over $2,000 a week!
Click here for an immediate interview.
There was just one little detail:
No base salary.
You showed up and discovered a boiler room packed with people on phones, squeezed into cubicles about the size of an airplane restroom. Your training lasted approximately an hour.
Then they gave you the secret to sales success:
ABC — Always Be Calling.
The income projection looked terrific: “Make 1,500 calls a week and you could make $1,500 in your first 90 days.”
Great. Who do I call?
“Start with your family. In-laws. Church members. Godparents. Friends. Neighbors.”
Perfect.
Soon conversations like this were taking place all over town:
“Honey, Gordon called. You know, Bill and Mary’s son next door? He has a new job selling Aqua Osmosis Water Filters.”
“We already have a Culligan water filter.”
“Yes, but Gordon says ours isn’t Osmosis.”
“So?”
“I think we should buy one anyway.”
“Why?”
“Well, Bill and Mary bought 25 boxes of Girl Scout cookies from Melody every year for ten years. It helped pay for her trip to Washington.”
“How much is this thing?”
“Only $299. And it comes with a lifetime warranty.”
“Really?”
“Yes…as long as you have the original packaging, receipt, bar code, serial number, store name and salesperson’s name and home phone number, and agree to pay shipping both ways.”
OMG.
After 1,500 dials, you had called every friend, relative and person who had ever made the mistake of giving you their phone number. Maybe you generated 25 warm leads.
Then you became exhausted, dizzy and quit.
Then, of course , those 25 warm leads were moved upstairs to the “recruiting team” where they were divided up.
But wait the advertisement said :
LEADS PROVIDED
When somebody finally asked where these unlimited leads were they handed him a phone book.
It was the old throw tomatoes against the wall and see what sticks strategy.
The company wasn’t really in the sales business.
It was in the recruiting business.
With no base salary, you were just another tomato.
The Corporate Sales Team
Then there was the Monday morning sales meeting.
I can still see it: a giant whiteboard across the front of the room with columns and rows for every salesperson.
“Okay, Joe. Another week. How many calls?”
“Five hundred.”
“How many doors?”
“Seventy-five.”
The sales manager shook his head. “You’ve got to increase your activity.”
Apparently, 500 phone calls and 75 doors weren’t enough.
Then came the motivation.
“Remember our 2026 planning meeting? You promised your wife you were going to make Platinum Club and buy her a Mercedes.”
Nothing motivates a salesperson quite like having management remind him of a promise he made to his wife.
“Don’t you want to make Platinum?”
Of course you did.
Platinum meant walking across the stage at the national conference. Applause. Lights. Glitter. A photograph shaking hands with the CEO.
And finally, your magnificent 6-by-6-inch engraved plaque to hang proudly over the fireplace.
Someone in purchasing anonymously revealed that the plaques cost $5.99 each when ordered in lots of 1,000.
But keep making those calls, Joe.
“At your current pace, you’re looking at a 2019 Honda Accord with 130,500 miles from Budget Rent A Car.”
Then the manager moved down the whiteboard.
“Mary Ellen, did you ever get an appointment with Sam Jenkins, president of Acme Manufacturing?”
“No. I still can’t get past the gatekeeper.”
“Have you been dropping off sweets like we discussed?”
Mary Ellen looked exhausted.
“For 35 weeks I’ve dropped off donuts, and now the office manager is blaming me for her diabetes.”
Such was the glamorous life of the professional salesperson.
And sales wasn’t merely battling customers. We battled everybody.
Production was furious because we promised the customer a delivery date they said was impossible. Finance questioned the expensive dinner that helped land the multimillion-dollar order.
Purchasing complained, “They sold all this stuff, and now we have to order it, expedite it and get it delivered. Damn salespeople.”
Meanwhile, somebody in top management was usually saying, “They have no idea what they’re doing down there.”
One day, after hearing enough complaints about the sales department, my boss—the Senior Vice President of Sales—finally put everything into perspective.
“No matter what anybody around here says about the sales team, remember one thing.”
Then he gave me perhaps the greatest sales lesson of my 50-year career:
NOTHING HAPPENS TILL YOU SELL SOMETHING.
More stories. Crazyfamily.blog
https://crazyfamily.blog/2026/08/27/business-insanity-youve-been-promoted-and-took-a-75000-pay-cut/
